Well this past week has been a blast. Well these past two weeks shall I say. Prom was extremely fun. Graduation was even better even though it was super early. Erita, Ricky, Rubi, and Fred went which really made me feel extremely happy. I hung out with claudia and partied with her later on that evening. I gave rubi some clothes that I didn't wear but were still in pretty good condition. Next up this summer lose weight, get a job, and possibly maybe go to summer school at TAMIU. I need to decide which college LCC or TAMIU. I definitely want to travel. Today I went to church and they gave us gifts for graduating. Financial Aid is paying for the first eight semesters of college. I wanna go downtown shopping. I love it.

ahi tis confusion.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY ERITA!


wow havent dont that in forever

Well I try to keep the environment clean by recycling, car pooling, taking 15 minute shower which means I have to wax my legs now but its okay, its all worth it when its for the environment. I also try to use less electricity by turning everything I'm not using off, or unplugging them since they waist more energy being plugged and not in use. I turn off the lights to every room that I am not in.

my computer got hacked into and my faggot uncle wont fix it ughh. I swear that and I dont even know how I feel anymore.  Like idk he's just so addicitng and I can't get him out of my head. I don't know anymore. 
My stomach can't settle just the thought of him  makes me quiver. 
Settle tummy settle.
Quiver quiver

shake shake

si si sing it loud-duol drown out the feeling. 


Can't get you out of my head.

boy your love is all i think about.



I'm scared to love you

IMAGE MANIP. I am here in history fuck it.

I am a unicorn.


k bye asso.

i am here in study skills waaaaaaa flores is being a dick



IMAGE MANIP MANIP MANIP

K BYE

ASSO

mm....electronica.

that you acted to the way that I felt it.



IT WASN'T WORTH MY TIME....



                     and now it's sad cause all I missed
wasn't that good to begin with
            and now that I've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean


                                    it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
                             and I'm about to see all of them 


GOODBYE TO YOU GOODBYE TO YOU YOU'RE TAKING UP MY TIME!

GOODBYE TO YOU GOODBYE TO YOU YOU'RE TAKING UP MY TIME!

GOODBYE TO YOU GOODBYE TO YOU YOU'RE TAKING UP MY TIME....

GOODBYE TO YOU! GOODBYE TO YOU.

I am leaving my myspace alone for awhile I feel so out of tune with the world cause of all this technology and for some reason I want to cry right now.

Maybe cause I am cutting him out of my life. I don't know what is up anymore. I wake up knowing what my life is going to be like and it makes me unhappy.

Oooh fuck buttons.


I miss my baby.

I'm gonna listen to him and just drown into his voice.  I don't know how I feel anymore. I smell like, nugg, heiress, beer and like me. I need something to medicate my fear. I'm such a remedy and an enemy to myself. I took a stab at myself and I don't know wtf. I've been doing a lot of heavy thinking and I don't know where it is getting me anymore. My mind is just running around in circle chasing word after word. I don't know I think I miss him...I don't know I am not to sure on that. I think what happened to me on father's day is finally catching and taking its tole on me.

I don't know myself anymore or what I want or what I'm like. I need something different something new. I hate myself sometimes. I just thought I let the people out there who read this know that.  I hate the nature in me. I hate the sadness in me. I'm not sure where I'm going anymore. I know where I am going career wise but as  a person I don't.  There's a huge wall between what I want to be and what I am. This is my life and am I the person who I want to be? So far no. I feel very yuck with myself but I have to live with myself and I can't take that anymore. Cause all these things that I've done are killing me.  I am gonna disappear now bye.

who spoke a second language lol. Nah well its 7:01 a.m. I am getting ready for school. Well I am done  I just need to put on some make up. I haver to fix my schedule though. I am gonna take off pre cal for a block off if not piano two blocks. Then change family development for photo journalism lol. Ughh I get to take my car =]. Well I don't have any lunch money so I am gonna have to ask my parents right now.
awe lol my doggy panda is jumping all over the place lol. Its 7:06 I had to go give the bitches water. I can't find my foundation =[ and
I have this huge ass zit. Well I am so hungry and I want coffee. lol. Well I am gonna go wish me luck on the first day of school.

Well I feel much better now after being sexually frustrated and finished smoking five cigarettes.
I feel better now I Don't feel for the need to get screwed anymore. lol I am gonna try to go 3 1/2 years celibate.
Okay like 1192 days without it. lol. I am sorry but the last two guys are just assholes. Especially JAMES!
fuck whatever. I use to be love struck now I'm just fucked up.Well me and moo moo chan are talking some more
and i love love love love her very much lol. She's my hero. I am gonna spend my senior year alone because I hang out with nothing but upper classmen. =[ Well I am gonna graduate december so I can go and be in college with my friends.  Joyce is gonna go to another school waaaa waaa waa. What am  I gonna do without her. This year's graduations I am gonna cry the nile river onto the lec.  Well I  get a block or two off this year well I am gonna get a job as soon as I turn 16. Get money. Blockbuster anyone?

It's official drivers ed is next week on friday. Well its cool from 2-430 just like school afternoon classes. lol I am starting to get tired really. The future scares me.  My senior year is gonna suck ass. I am gonna push to graduate in December and go to TAMIU for the rest of my school year lol. 1301. then go to new mexico or califas.

DAME MAS GASOLINA!

I am awake and its super early. Drivers Ed Tomorrow huh! le gasp!
Woohoo its okay it's just for four weeks then I get my carito and drive all over laredo and be like mmm.....bitch.
lol. I thought I was making myseeeeeeeeeellllffff. Yea the trick is just making yourself.
you still got a view of the summer sky to make it hurt twice when your restless body caves to whims and suddenly struggles to take flight.
Yes the shins makes me feel all happy and giddy inside. I fell asleep really early yesterday like at 1:15 a.m. I've been sleeping early ever since Warped Tour and SPI happened, which is a good thing because I can like get up early for drivers ed now you know.

I am going to print out the dress I want today and call seamstress and hopefully go get some material and drop it off so I can have it like in two weeks. My sweet sixteen is coming up. On August 18 is the party date my real birthday is August 16 =]. My mom got a new jeep yesterday which means the car is mine but in like four weeks it is. lol  Yea I can drive myself to school now and like  shit this is awesome. This school year i am gonna make it be the best school year of my life. So any bitches that are going to say shit all I am going to say is I hope you have a great life and love yourself as much as you love to talk about me. Before I would start shit and rattle them bitches up and tell them all this shit now its just like whatever.  It's cool I am gonna start taking all those insults as compliments you know because those girls that talk all this shit about me or anyone else are always the girls that are jealous of you for some reason, or want to fit in because everyone else is doing it, or are very intimidated by you for real.

Besides people are always going to be talking shit about me here in Laredo because of certain things I've done which is cool they can play tabloid all they want, they're just feeding my ego really. Besides the only girl that still has beef with me is probably Lyza other that I sent a peace offering with Brittany. With Lyza thing chill  everything I got from it was what I deserved but the Brittany thing hell no. I didn't deserve any  of that because I did the right thing and said the truth because I believed she deserved better than Marco because she did and still does. I hope her life is going well for her.

 I can be a mean bitch too but I just rather not only to people that really do deserve it like the people that are going to start asking me for rides after ignoring me forever and not ever speaking to me and always saying shit behind my back. The people that start sitting in a table in a group of three and start talking about certain things I've done. I don't believe that people should be judging other people because well they're no body. Everyone needs to realize that you're no better than anyone, and no one is better than you.  And the people that sat in a group talking about me are the people that always kiss my ass for no reason.  That's that I thought that they were my friends but they weren't their just a bunch of hypocrites that are so bored of their life they want what I have. Here's the thing I did do that with him and I have one witness and that was so last year so don't dwell on it. All because he didn't with you doesn't mean you have to talk about me in spite.

I am such a nice person you just have to get past the walls I put up for people because it's Laredo you can't trust anyone here you really can't. Only some people are really really really cool. So yea I am super hungry, and those are some words you can eat up and I hope for anyone that's going to be reading this I hope this makes you think, and you get the message. You only have one life, make it right.

I died and rose again.
"I will not be for you, Its never gonna be the same. never gonna be the same."
I want water and I hunger for you.
I want shelter but it wont come over to me.
I want a needle and spoon.
Its never gonna be the same
"GOD COME ON DOWN."

she lied.
Its never going to be the same since i got my fix of reality.
If i wanted fame now I'd sell you out right here right now.
"If i want my name in places I would never lie to you."
I want madness and I want was pure.
I want my fix now I feel so cold and fake.
I need to feel rush and and alive. I feel dead, even though I rose again.
OOh if you knew the depths of hell that i've been and I walked it through and I am still not walking.

c-c-c-c-c-a--a-a-a--n-n-n-n-n-

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
G-G-G-G-G-G-E-E-E-E-E-T-T-T-T--T
T-T-T-T-T-T----H---H-H-H-H-E-E-E-E-E
C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O--N-N-N-N-N-N-E-E-E-E-C-C-C-C-T-T-T-T-TI-I-I-O-O-O--N-N-N-


I feel supper sad.
My girlfriend erita left and well I don't know where she is.
There is no school tomorrow or Wednesday which makes me happy but still very sad.
I saw that guy today and well I know he took my ipod and my sidekick and I want it Back.
I know he probably pawned it for drugs what a fucking loon.
I have that song Lemon tree stuck in my head I just feel so sad, and empty.
I feel something in my torso going up and down between my breast down my stomach.
My bed is going to be lonely tonight.
I don't know why you're ignoring me, I didn't do anything wrong you're the one who backed of darling, but I still want you that way.
My baby is on the floor crying those sobs only I can hear.
I feel so lonely. I was in your room today and in your closet and I got one on you, you fucking dumb whore piss me off and I'm going to sing like a canary.
I feel catatonic.

and I hope you feel bad. I want to cry this weather is crazy and I want to cry from it and I miss a lot of things.
I miss this weekend with my crew, and I further more i miss my girlfriend erita.
But further more I miss my wifey. MOO!

I LOVE CABBAGE SOUP
BUT I LOVE MY DEAR MY MOMMY MORE
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ANY NOISE YOU'LL GIVE MY DOLLY A HEADACHE.
SHE FELL FROM THE SECOND FLOOR.

and this all makes sense now...
all the lies, the weight, all the craze that stays, and lingers in your bloodstream.
This puzzle is half way complete.
I just fear the answer.
I already know most of my answers to all my questions but I still have plenty left unanswered.
Why do you take that?
Why does your nose bleed when you inhale such clean air?
Why do my lungs feel like I'm breathing such toxic?
I don't understand why you take that. Why do you let it run in your blood? is it because you want him that bad.
Why is he so important to you?
Does anyone realize how messed up our generation is?
We're worse than generation X I rather be in my own Oasis than here.

My glass is half-full but it feels half empty. It really does I don't know what I want anymore. I can't stand the sight of black and white keys, sharps, flats, measures, and notes. The sky is dark and is empty. I want to know why most people have interest into looking into everyone else's life than their own. I people watch and noticed so many things and all of them were true makes me feel so sad. It's just that I'm not naive anymore I watch and observe all of you. You people are my little lab rats and I just effortlessly make the most accurate assumptions about you ever.

I am a scientist or a philosopher. I'm just way ahead of my age thats all. I have perspective in all that is just so miserable, happy. I also have skills and a plan to get the best of you and you'll never know. When you feel like you're being watched when you're alone its okay because I'm watching you. Every epiphany you have about this generation around you, its me making your wheels turn. Most of you generation STD* haven't seen reality or felt anything so close to it. None of you know true happiness, or natural highs. All of you fear honesty* its always in the sense of a hush hush don't say a word*. Such hypocriptes you are and it tickles my fancy, it makes me laugh how you dare try to make someone feel bad for not telling you the truth about someone's dirty laundry yet yours is the most filthiest one of them all, so cute, and so precious you are you and your little glass collection of lies you amuse me.
IF! only she knew ooh how reality would punch you in the face and you'll squirm and try to recant everything you've said to me. And you'd be at my mercy so powerless and hopeless, and your best motive is to deny it all and all that guilt will swallow you up again like it did the first time only worse. You've made yourself believe that lie so much you live it, but when someone else points it out to you darling you want to throw it all back up, and cry at night after making such a huge scene. Thats right all you do is make a huge scene and deny deny deny deny all you please, when we both knew you knew, and when you realize what a horrible piece of shit you are, you just cry it out after making such a huge scene bigger than the real world. You're a waste in thought.

1* Generation STD is this one of the year 2007 us younglings. Most of your lives revolve around sex.
2* Anything thats true becomes toxic to you, all.
3* You attempt to make it area 51 private but it fails miserably with all those loop holes.

I fucking hate you sir.
You're fucking pathetic you only talk to me unless your porcelain dolls aren't there to watch you. Such a priceless collection worth shit.
They're so easy to fucking crack when they don't have their shitty computer monitors or mouse to close that fucking window or fucking block you.
Such fucking cunts your little toys are.
So cheap so easy to break if I were to just scream there eyes would crack.
And their spines would shrivel up.
So fun to rattle them up knowing they can't do anything unless its on their cheap ass myspace accounts.
Their little pathetic screens hide them.
I'm not like them sir.
I don't need this pathetic keyboard to hide me.
I appear on my own and find you.
Glare you down.
Burn you!
Tare you apart...
I am fucking evil and there is nothing you can do to stop me now sir.
You created this little monster.

call me a fucking weirdo. I was just realized I love watching clothes wash or dry in dryers.
Its just so fucking amazing watching something go around in circles over and over again.
I get nauseated after while kind of like I do when I watch the lines on the streets. It gets me
fucking nauseated as well. But I can't help from looking away which is weird.

I need to get away really. I want to go base jumping. I want to fucking see the world from a birds eye view, no even better a hawk. I knew this was going to happen I neglected my personal hand written journal for two days already. I knew it as soon as I got my hard drive back I knew I was going to neglect my purple fairy journal. I rented the movie The Black Dahlia since I read the book I was watching and I got so bored from it the book was way better. I wanted to rent Requiem for a Dream but they rented today grr...I was going to get Party Monster again but they rented that one too. Golly!

Well Back to the getting away thing I really want to get away. This christmas break fucking blows..hard. Marco is in town which wow I really don't seem to care for it but erita does.OOh well thats erita for ya. I started thinking about the poem I am going to submit tapestry when I go back to school from the holidays. I also started thinking of dropping out. I just don't want to go to school anymore. It fucking sucks I just want to quit everything I am doing and go into the world. This is all because I grew up so fast. I am a 15 year old thinking like a 26 year old already jeez! I have done things adults should be doing not teenagers. Teenagers who think its okay to do those things are stupid and wrong and have a lot of shit wrong with them really. ONE of them already has an infection and you know who you are cause you are reading this you sick son of a bitch.

Isaiah is really starting to trigger my writing juices about 44444 who is now known as Mr.Caterpillar. I just fell in love with that...I wrote this on my break and if anyone plagiaries this may you have herpes simplex virus.
"and the night you crawled into my blood and slept in my veins
you became that single fickle cell that
brought me into this cancer of a life."

"As I dance with the treble clef
I saw the color lime green blossom
out that piano key my feet so heavily pressed.
All the physcedelicness bloomed from the: floor,
halls, walls, and door."

"When he opened Pandora's box
I jumped into Mr.Caterpillars sick sad side show
and went into the land of Marmalade skies and cellophane flowers."

"I too was a club kid dancing with the strobe lights
seeing everyone selling each other out
for that once of "White Pixie dust" and Special K.
I danced and saw those shadows beating his head with
a hammer, over that fucking K."

"...And all those words my tounge would form
that my teeth wouldn't dare fence out.
Let him get the bring out the worse in me
which he found to be the best of me."

"Those moving memory picture films
showed me the life of the club kids;
these guide lines to be like them
enlightened me."